Sprites and Pixies

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in the dim light of twilight the creek bank twinkled with emerald green  specks of light. Everywhere the low light of my headlamp went glistened with the magic little lights. Pixies? Sprites? The Irish earth spirits? It was magical to see. As I got closer and closer, I could see the magical little creatures. Tiny little spiders spaced out every few inches. Hunting I presume. I was surprised to find that it was spiders’ eyes making the beautiful sparkling green lights. There is magic in creation, and beauty.

Sleep

Do you want to sleep allot? I seem to be sleepy all the time. I just want to lay down. It is the only time my brain shuts up. Sleep. A rest from the mental clutter I’ve had lately. Like an introvert in a crowd of talking people. My mind gets so noisy I just want to scream “shut up!” How to find a quiet place.

Hypnosis

I had a therapist suggest that I see a hypnotherapist to see if it could stop my negative daydreams. I am scared to try it. I have heard of people retrieving repressed memories while hypnotized. My fear is what I may say. I read that the mind does not know the difference between real memories and fantasies. They are stored the same. It is our conscious that lets us know what is real. Like you can remember movie scenes but know you didn’t live through it. Someone who is delusional maybe doesn’t  have the ability to know which is which. So, I wonder if under hypnosis could a maladaptive daydreamer report their dreams as memories.

Logic of the illogical

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My mind trying to make sense of the daydreams and the people, places. What do they mean? Why are they here? Maybe they exist in another dimension and I am watching their lives. Tapped into a reality show from another realm. I watch from the corner of my eye for a portal. Maybe a door or gateway to step into their world. That’s not logical. But neither are the dreams. People I don’t know, places I have never been. A life I never lived in a time I was not born. Why is it all in my mind? playing like an old movie that gives you a deja vu feeling. Reminds me of song lyrics, “I’m kinda homesick, for a country. To where I have never been before. No sad goodbyes, will there be spoken, because time won’t matter anymore.”

What are you trying to tell me?

Sorry I have been away so long. I go through phases where I just can’t talk about it. Do you have reoccurring themes? Are they telling you something? I keep having these where traumatic things happen. It all seems to be around forgiving, moving on after someone hurts you. But what doesn’t make sense to me is that I think I learned that lesson long ago. Having been through a cheating spouse, divorce,etc. I forgave and went on with my life. I don’t sit around thinking of revenge or still hold any grudges. I let it go a long time ago. So why is this theme always coming back? A MDD friend suggested it is more of a premonition preparing me for something to come. Don’t want that to be right. It does seem to always relate to a movie plot, like I see something happen in a movie that is disturbing and my mind is like, “what would you do if it happened to you?” Then I spend weeks stuck in a DD forcing me to live that scenario. How do I stop this? Why can’t I have those pleasant DDs about fame, fortune, happiness?

Not Feeling Nostalgic

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I read someone’s blog post entitled “feeling Nostalgic”. They spoke of missing their grandparents. I thought about my grandparents. I didn’t have any fond memories of them to miss. They either passed when I was young or lived too far away to know that well. I don’t seem to have any memories worth missing. So I have nothing to feel nostalgic about. I guess that can be a good thing or bad. No one can say I live in the past, but I don’t live in the present either. I have hope for the future, but don’t contemplate it often. So where do I live? In another realm, or maybe a different dimension. At least part of my mind does. While my body goes through the motions of life. Like living in a black and white movie, void of life. I long for that feeling of living in the moment, the now. Experiencing every moment to the fullest. But I don’t know how to do that.