Memories real or fake

Still trying to get a grasp on the why of all of this. Sometimes when I am fighting to stop the dreams I keep my mind busy by analyzing the content and trying to figure out why it is or where it comes from. It seems that they are mostly surrounding certain scenes. Making up a story to either start with that scene or get to it. Like taking a snapshot and trying to imagine what was happening before or after the picture. The crazy thing is that I didn’t take the picture. Or I don’t remember taking it. The scenes/images that the dreams surround are the biggest mystery. If I could remember, did I see it in a movie? read it in a book? or live it in a repressed memory? I fear I am driving myself insane trying to figure it out. You wouldn’t believe the options I’ve considered. Mind control project projecting images in my head, seeing into a parallel dimension, etc. The not knowing is the hard part. How do you fight an unknown enemy? I can’t ask anyone for help. I have but they either didn’t believe me or had no clue how to help.

Sprites and Pixies


in the dim light of twilight the creek bank twinkled with emerald green  specks of light. Everywhere the low light of my headlamp went glistened with the magic little lights. Pixies? Sprites? The Irish earth spirits? It was magical to see. As I got closer and closer, I could see the magical little creatures. Tiny little spiders spaced out every few inches. Hunting I presume. I was surprised to find that it was spiders’ eyes making the beautiful sparkling green lights. There is magic in creation, and beauty.


Do you want to sleep allot? I seem to be sleepy all the time. I just want to lay down. It is the only time my brain shuts up. Sleep. A rest from the mental clutter I’ve had lately. Like an introvert in a crowd of talking people. My mind gets so noisy I just want to scream “shut up!” How to find a quiet place.


I had a therapist suggest that I see a hypnotherapist to see if it could stop my negative daydreams. I am scared to try it. I have heard of people retrieving repressed memories while hypnotized. My fear is what I may say. I read that the mind does not know the difference between real memories and fantasies. They are stored the same. It is our conscious that lets us know what is real. Like you can remember movie scenes but know you didn’t live through it. Someone who is delusional maybe doesn’t  have the ability to know which is which. So, I wonder if under hypnosis could a maladaptive daydreamer report their dreams as memories.

Logic of the illogical


My mind trying to make sense of the daydreams and the people, places. What do they mean? Why are they here? Maybe they exist in another dimension and I am watching their lives. Tapped into a reality show from another realm. I watch from the corner of my eye for a portal. Maybe a door or gateway to step into their world. That’s not logical. But neither are the dreams. People I don’t know, places I have never been. A life I never lived in a time I was not born. Why is it all in my mind? playing like an old movie that gives you a deja vu feeling. Reminds me of song lyrics, “I’m kinda homesick, for a country. To where I have never been before. No sad goodbyes, will there be spoken, because time won’t matter anymore.”