How does your maladaptive daydreaming affect your ability to work? Are you able to hold a full time job? Do you work in a creative field? Many people say MDD makes them more creative. I found it to be the opposite. But I do believe MDD effects creative people more then others. So does it help or hinder your work?
I find it very difficult to work with MDD. It is sometimes worse then others. When it is bad concentrating is almost impossible. Making finishing projects very hard. And put me in a boring meeting, and I am a thousand miles away in a few seconds. Which might be fun if you weren’t accountable for the information you miss.
How do you “work it out”? I find that working in shorts bursts helps. Frequent breaks to walk around, get some water, whatever to break up my train of thought. If not the daydreams take over and I find myself staring at my keyboard or tablet, having lost time. Lapsing into a dreamlike “coma” I also find that when working on a rush project I push myself and get very tense and nervous, fighting the daydreams to spend more time working. I become a ticking time bomb of nerves. Hoping an unexpecting coworker doesn’t trigger me with a simple “how are you?” I hate that question. I hate the casual lie, “Fine” because I’m not. But they don’t really want to know.
Here’s a peek at what I do at work. So you can see why it is so hard NOT to daydream.
I’m sorry I haven’t posted or done a radio show, or youtube video for weeks. I am not functioning well right now. I’m in one of those phases where I am so desperate for an answer, for help, for escape from this curse in my mind. That I get depressed and hopeless. Unable to do little more then put one foot in front of the other as I struggle through the day. My work suffers, I withdraw from family. I cry, I pray, I scream in the car. I’m losing days, months, years of my life to this. If I had a plan, I could start a recovery. But I have no plan. No idea what to do to save myself. So I wait, for this phase to hopefully pass.
I seem to be lost in a fog lately. A mental fog of confusion. I haven’t been able to come up with ideas for a new topic for the radio show. I can’t think, can’t remember. The MDD is so strong, I just walk through my days like going through a thick fog. Stumbling over things I forgot to do. When faced with a task, a decision, I feel lost. Like everything is going to explode, or fall apart. I can’t focus to take action, I just freeze, fight back the tears. The anxiety becomes so strong, I don’t know what to do. The smallest thing becomes a cataclysm. Like being surrounded by a dense fog and hearing something coming. You feel you need to run, but fear of falling or running into something in the fog because you can’t see through it. I need someone to take my hand and lead me through. I need to be rescued.