I thought I had escaped. I did for a while. I tried exercising the demon. Banishing him from my mind. I was doing good for the second week. Keeping my mind focused and replacing the thoughts as they popped up. Then last night I had an odd dream. I all most never remember dreams. But in the dream the one who had haunted me through maladaptive daydreams was there. And as I woke the night dream flowed into a waking dream. It keep going and all of a sudden I realized I was a prisoner again. Is there no key to my chains?
I caught and released two doves today. They had gotten stuck in my chicken lot. They are such beautiful birds. Soft eyes. I looked up the meaning of the dove symbol. Peace, serenity, hope. I like that. I need that.
I have come to terms with the fact that many people like me did not have a happy childhood to remember and that we should look to the future to make new happy memories and not look behind and mourn what we missed. Maybe our dreams are trying to rewrite our story. I want to resist this and look forward.
We have a support group on facebook, for those wanting to over come this disorder. Wanting to live in the real world and help others cope with it.
The trees are budding and blooming. It’s only March so I fear a killing frost but the sight of the blooms gives hope. Like the gloom is lifting. Fighting the dreams, yearning for the feeling of reality. Being able to go outside and walk is helping.